28 Reasons

I'm 28 today. I'm going to write 28 things I like about me.

This was my idea. No one put me up to it and no one else can have the credit, just me. Actually, it most definitely was not my idea. Someone put me up to it and I'm robbing them of all the credit. But you don't know that. You believe everything I say. So for you, just go ahead and believe me when I say it was my idea. I'm not going to stop you.

Your passionate, impulsive response to my idea: Wow. What a fantastic idea!! (please note that exclamation points are only used in referring to your response. I wouldn't be caught dead using one). I can think of 28 things I like about Joseph too! Nay, I can think of thousands! (I would likewise never use "nay").

You might decide to post a comment, encouraging others to join your quest of attaching to my already definitive list, 28 additional reasons to love me. This is, of course, completely unnecessary. My 28 suit me just fine. But since you apparently need it so badly, I will allow your commentary. If I were you, I would elaborate on one or two of the 28 below. For instance, number one--I look good--invites discussion. You may choose to rate my good looks on a scale of 10-20 (1-10 is insufficient, I graduated from that in 7th grade), or you may choose to describe certain aspects of my good looks, my attractive Christmas stache last year, for example.

The 28:

1) I look good

2) I always wash my hands after using the toilet

3) I can do 60 push-ups when I'm happy; 100 when I'm mad

4) I can ride 100 miles on my bike without telling the world I'm riding for a cause and asking for money.

5) I can sleep way better than Rachel, Becky, or Jared.

6) I remember lines from movies, even if I don't remember lines from what you said two minutes ago.

7) I'm potty-trained

8) I'm funny. Even Jared thinks so.

9) I write good.

10) Jared still likes me. Chances are he doesn't like you, so this is big.

11) I can be scolded, yelled at, accused of all forms of neglegence and still get everyone else to clean the kitchen while I stand there cracking jokes.

12) I have more leg hair than Ben, which is why I'm Grandma's favorite.

13) I have less mass than Ben, but can still eat more ice-cream, which is why I'm, Grandpa's favorite.

14) I don't use exclamation points or emoticons. Nor do I write "lol," and you still understand what I mean.

15) I was strong enough physically and mentally at age 1 to kick Rachel out of the cradle, or so the story goes. Rachel reminds me of this every time I see her.

16) I learned how to whistle at age 19. And they say you can't teach an old dog new tricks (turns out though, 19 is young, because I still can't roll my tummy like James and I've tried, I've tried).

17) I floss with a credit card at nice restaurants.

18) If girls don't like me they tell me it's not me. So I guess it's not me. It's them.

19) I'm Jared's choice for spotter when he's lifting weights. That's because under this thin, mass-less frame, he sees the real me, the strong and capable me, the me who can call someone bigger to help out if he can't get the weights off him.

20) I can do push-ups with 50 Chinese kids on my back (50= 6 or 7).

21) I don't drink and drive. I don't even drive. Sometimes I drink and ride, though. But I don't think there's a law prohibiting that, especially if you're just drinking water.

22) I play the piano, even when I don't have to.

23) I still walk on my knees over the carpet if I'm wearing shoes. I also still eat my vegetables.

24) I was 24 once.

25) Sometimes I like to go hot-tubbing with the boys in the winter. Then I jump out and make a snow angel on the lawn. Then I jump back in the hot tub. Then I experience pain all over my body. Then I do it again because Jared says it's cool.

26) Sometimes I light a match just to light a match.

27) I've loved deeply, and lost. Then I've loved deeply and lost again. Then I've loved again just because losing is so cool.

28) I don't do drugs. I don't have to. You laugh at my jokes, and apparently that's all the high I need.