Tuesday, December 18, 2012


Season’s Greetings!

But here’s the funny thing: you actually think “the season” is greeting you. It’s not. It’s inanimate. You are greeting it. Yeah, think about that for a few seconds. Blows your mind, doesn’t it? That’s because I’m deep. And an absolute genius. Also, I like children, small animals, and sometimes I do mustache paintings for free. That’s just my intro. Strap yourself in.

Things that decorated the already decorated life of Joseph in 2012:

1) Asked by senator what’s-his-name to speak at that one thing with president so-and-so
2) Turned down senator what’s-his-name because of a previous engagement (True, we were only engaged for a few minutes—strictly platonic—but you’d be amazed at how helpful having a “previous engagement” is).
3) Got engaged (see item 2)
4) Got hired
5) Got to thinking
6) Realized erasable pens are not the enemy. They’re just trying to help.
7) Read a few pages in “Travels in Siberia.”
8) Wished for a lot of things
9) Got some of those things
10) Didn’t get others
11) Learned I didn’t want those other things anyway.
12) Read a few more pages in “Travels in Siberia.”
13) Awoke in the middle of the night sinking quickly toward the floor after allegedly puncturing my air mattress with razor sharp elbows (according to the bed bugs I interviewed—unfortunately, the only witnesses).
14) Built a bed out of pre-cut parts
15) Built a desk out of pre-cut parts
16) Patted myself on the back for being handy with pre-cut parts.
17) Read a few more pages in “Travels in Siberia.”
18) Purchased “The Jackal”

19) Put over 1000 miles on The Jackal, including a century ride from Columbus Ohio to Kentucky. (Wow, that sounded cool)

20) Grew two beards, one mustache

21) Jumped out of an airplane

22) Remembered to pull my shoot after jumping out of airplane.
23) Read a few more pages in “Travels in Siberia.”
24) Thought about joining the DC City Choir (then went and joined. Go me!)
25) Forwarded everything to everyone always
26) Deleted my “Reply” button and went with “Reply all”
27) Wrote Yahoo! and asked them to change “Reply all” to “Reply All!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
28) Became a godfather

29) Laughed at a TON of funny commercials
30) Bonded with Buck (my truck)
31) Dated a girl
30) Played with matches
29) Watched airplanes
28) Read a few more pages in “Travels in Siberia.”

Here’s hoping your 2012 included a cool list like mine. And here’s to 2013 and to finishing “Travels in Siberia.” Happy New Year!