Turns out I hate first graders.
Fifth grade rocks. First grade is pure madness. Teaching fifth grade is like obtaining that sought for goblet of fresh, cool spring water after being torched by the sun. Teaching first grade is being torched by that sun. Fifth graders are little human beings. First graders have not yet begun to develop whatever it is that sets humans apart from every other inferior life form on this planet. Fifth graders know what school is and why it is. First graders have no clue . . . and you can tell by how many times a second they ask "What?" and "Why?" And before you can answer, it's, "Hey look, a piece of floating lint!" Fifth graders know that picking your nose and wiping it on your neighbor is unnecessary. To first graders, it is necessary. Fifth graders will like you if you like them. First graders think you like them. But you don't. You want to wring their necks. But they don't have time to notice. They are busy making more lint floaters out of their neighbor's sweater.